Okay Creepers – can we all agree? F@$! these people. F@$! them all day long! Because this shit… it just isn’t right. Dolls are terrible, they’re really, really terrible and these creepy dolls showing up around Jefferson County are no exception.
If I seem triggered, it’s because I am, and I’ll explain why but for now, the basics of this bizarre, terrifying shit show.
All around Festus, Missouri, and the surrounding Jefferson County, someone has been placing relatively life-sized creepy dolls in precarious public places. Think the top of a lamp post, stop signs, the medium between two busy streets and under garbage bins. Clearly the people doing this are evil bastards and hell bent on causing nightmares for years to come.
This is obviously causing a fair measure of distress for a few reasons. As the chief of the area is quick to point out, these dolls are in a proportion to the size of a real child. Seeing these horrifying little things hanging off a lamp post you can certainly excuse reasonable people from immediately coming to the rescue. Quite possibly putting themselves in harms way in the process. What started off as a creepy little joke could very realistically end up in someone getting hurt.
I personally sympathise with the good people of Jefferson County. As a young boy my mother had an affinity for creepy dolls, especially these freaky little shits that are meant to lean against a wall. You have to understand my mother, she was incredibly funny and could have a particularly sick sense of humor. She thought it was a riot to move these dolls around the house so they’d show up in random places. You’d get up for a midnight snack and have a life-sized doll leaning against a wall right in front of you. I can’t tell you the amount of times I went hungry because of these damn things.
So, no, I won’t be visiting Festus any time soon and I’ll probably have doll-fuelled nightmares tonight but there you go. I’ve reported the news and done my duty. If you’re the person placing these creepy dolls all over town: You’re going to hell and my mother thinks you’re hilarious.