Dolls are terrible

Yes, we get this isn’t news to any of you, we just feel the need to really drive it home.

Dolls, especially purposely-creepy dolls, are just… No. Just no. They’re not cute, they’re not romantic and they’re not adorable expressions of the darker side of life.

They are pure nightmare fuel and we need to run from them.

You can find evidence if you find yourself in Mexico and want to visit a whole damn island of dolls, as we’ve featured in the past but we can’t come up with a reason you’d do this sober.

So in case you need some reminding of how seriously creepy these things can be, and if you need a little less sleep tonight, here’s some damn dolls.

#1 Look at this crazy !@#$ doll

Right... here we go. 

WTF? Who does this and why? I picture some brilliant artist sitting in her apartment, just back from a day of antiquing having picked up a beautiful Victorian doll. 

She thinks to herself: "How can I turn this into pure terror."

Good job Becky. Good job...

#2 The pretty little bow doll

Oh yeah, aren't you cute...

With your pretty little pink bow and blonde curls.

This is what Becky's parents gave her for her 10th birthday, she was never the same after that.

#3 I’ll eat your face doll

Some dolls say: "let's play" or "hey, let's be friends."

Others, like this darkness-inducing lady here, say: "I think it might be a good day to wear your face as a hat."

#4 Exactly what we needed, a crazy ginger doll

My understanding is that this crazy bastard is from a movie, I'm not 100% on which and there's a very good reason for that. 

No one's got time for this little bastard and I'm not putting him on my TV. 

#5 Your dentist is a dick doll

I picture Tom the dentist pulling this guy out when he really hates a kid. 

"I'm serious Bobby, brush your shit or this is gonna happen!"

#6 The aging doll

Let's get serious for a second here, because up 'till this point it's been all giggles...

As I've read it, this guy here is a doll that was stored away in an attic for a few years. When the owners pulled him out of storage, he hadn't just worn down as you would expect, he actually aged. 

Do you get what we're saying here? The freaking doll got old. 

!@#$!#%!@$ dolls man, wtf?

#7 A real cursed doll

This handsome little man is called Robert the Doll, named after the little boy who originally cared for him.

His special, the doll, not the little boy, include tripping people on stairs and running around at night to scare the shit out of everyone. 

He brings so much bad luck to people who own him that this point they just lock his ass up in a glass case surrounded by enchantments that take away his power. 

That's a good call. 

#8 Check that, this is the dentist doll

Some kids Tom the dentist hated but others, he wanted to make sure didn't sleep for a year. 

This was the perfect doll for those kids. 

#9 When you need to step things up doll

A violin wearing a sad doll head as a hat. 

WTH am I doing this now?

#10 When you want to send your sibling a special gift doll

Nothing says I love you like when you send this to your brother or sister. 

The message is clear here: "I should have killed you in the womb!"

Make sure to send with a loving note: "Thinking of you, don't forget, drinks on Sunday afternoon at that Lehoyas on the Beach."

Family... it's all about love and sharing. 

Written by Danny Beauregard

Danny is the founder of and your resident raving loon. When not writing and researching for the site he's busy being a husband and a father.

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